You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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