I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
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We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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