when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
