i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
