I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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