chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I've blown a few things in my day
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
