she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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