Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
