There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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