You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
