Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
