There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
