Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.