A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.