listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear