She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
