what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
