You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
