My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
