I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
