Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
