does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
