You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
so let's talk penis.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
