I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
