Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
