Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
