just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Randomize
