oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
