She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
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Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
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I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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