girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize