u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
