just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
