He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
