Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
