I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
