i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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