I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
