Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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