so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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