Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
