take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
