; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
