girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
