she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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