i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
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I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
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doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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