I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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