Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
