dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
