Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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