I look better un-naked...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
