Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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