wat bout pragnant strippers??
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
