I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
