pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
