i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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