he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
