he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
