I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
