the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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