I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just blew my weed a kiss
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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