So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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