have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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