it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
