I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
