Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
