Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
