No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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