she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
