Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
