I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
