I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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