So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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