Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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