The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
