Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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