She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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