I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
