A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
