how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
