Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
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