so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
