my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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