My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
