I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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