i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
