Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
